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That's enough for now

It’s been a while since I had an entry. Life has been busy these past months. I’ve hardly held a book to read, and oh I haven’t even watched any series. I’m failing to find time to walk or run. Most of the time, I’m on the bus, making it my makeshift bed. It’s been months, and life has changed a bit, or maybe more than just a bit. I’m living alone during weekdays, then driving to the province on weekends. I haven’t been home for 24 hours straight since March. So not me. Well, that’s not really the point of this blog entry. I just feel like writing. I’m feeling lethargic lately, and I don’t think I’ll really be able to shake this off unless I write about it. Yes, lethargic. Lethargic in a way that I’m still performing. I’d like to believe that I’m still productive, still laughing, still engaging. Maybe that’s why I want to write this, because not everyone would understand. Not everyone would believe that there’s something going on inside me. I’m behaving okay and normal, as I should be....
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Maybe writers have slumps too.

I was committed to diligently writing my blog, but it felt like I was hitting a mental block. I have a few drafts that remain unfinished. I'm trying, but I just can't seem to finish a blog post. I’ll start writing what’s on my mind, but then my thoughts start jumping between unrelated ideas or scenarios. After that, I can’t finish writing, and I struggle to make my thoughts cohesive. For instance, I was writing about my best friend and how our recent get-together and heart-to-heart talk really helped me navigate my emotions around the recent events in my life. I managed to write a good three or four paragraphs, but then I suddenly didn’t know how to end it. Then, my mind would jump to thoughts of sharing how God has answered our prayers. Our permanent residency application is finally moving forward, and for those who don’t know, it’s the last few steps toward migrating to Canada. But, of course, this still involves a lot of processes and will consume a significant chunk of our ...
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No one's going to do it for you.

Today, we had a very engaging workshop on storytelling. I enjoyed every bit of it. But beyond the principles and ideas around storytelling, what really struck me was the discussion about branding and making yourself known. I’ve been feeling unrecognized and unheard lately. But hearing this was like an eye-opener. "You should make yourself known. No one's going to do it for you." I’ve been feeling down and indifferent, thinking people weren’t recognizing my efforts. I realized that while I can't control how others see me or compel them to recognize my efforts, I’ve also fallen short in letting people know who I am and what I’ve achieved. For one, I like to keep a low profile. I don’t speak up, and  I keep my ideas to myself. I’ve been complacent, not wanting to be perceived. I shy away from attention. "Let my work speak for itself." I thought hitting KPIs, exceeding expectations, and going the extra mile were enough. Not that these things don’t matter, they a...
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Choose kindness and compassion

Yesterday, I booked a Grab to get to the office for a workshop. I scheduled it 40 minutes before the call time, as it would only take me 30 minutes to reach the office, even accounting for moderate traffic. I was familiar with the traffic patterns at that time of day, so I was confident it wouldn’t be too heavy. "If you're early, you're wasting your time. If you're late, you're wasting others' time. So, be on time." That is  principle I learned from my CAT training in high school. Since then, I strive to be punctual and avoid causing any delays. When the Grab car arrived, everything went as usual. I greeted the driver, settled comfortably into the seat, and we were on our way. During the ride, the driver asked if we should take the expressway. I agreed and instructed him to add the toll fee to the total fare. He nodded, or at least I thought we had agreed. To my dismay, he bypassed the first entrance to the expressway. When I reminded him, he said the app ...
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Special Connection

 She’s fond of classical music. Nowadays, it’s rare for her to find someone in her circle who appreciates classical music beyond seeing it as mere background or relaxing music. Then she found someone who shares the same appreciation for this type of music. This man had a deep love for art and literature, and his insights on diverse topics were impressive, at least, that’s what she perceived from a few of his articles that she had read. Even though they didn’t really know each other, she felt a kind of connection with him through his playlist. Opportunities arose, and she had a good reason to reach out to him. “Just tell me how I can be of help,” he said. Despite not having met on a personal level and knowing he might only have associated her with the organization she belonged to, he was very warm and approachable. They finally met. She wasn’t very good at small talk and wasn’t sure how she fared that night. She mostly just smiled, laughed, and added a few thoughts to the conversati...
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There is winning in quitting.

I quit drinking coffee and eating rice, and I lost a solid 3 kg in just three months. I quit watching K-dramas, not that I really enjoyed them, so I could focus my attention on more productive tasks. I quit procrastinating, which allowed me to complete all my graduate school assignments and finish the program on time. I quit wallowing in self-pity and focused on the things I'm good at. Now, I can honestly say I feel better about myself. You see, quitting isn’t always about losing. More often than not, it's about winning. Quitting something we enjoy but that doesn’t do us much good is a way to open doors to better things for ourselves.  Sometimes, we just need the courage and resolve to do it. Now, I want to quit. I want to quit the job where I no longer see any growth. I want to leave a place where people lack confidence in my ability to do my work well. I want to quit a place where my potential goes unrecognized. I want to quit because I know I have so much more to offer the w...
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Reconnect With Your Core

This blog has allowed me to reconnect not only with my love for writing but also with my inner core, my commitment to serving others. Since starting my current job, I’ve always felt a bit anxious about my role. Please don't get me wrong. Although I sometimes feel like an oddball, I’ve grown to love what I’m doing, big thanks to my colleagues, who are great to work with. It’s just that I have a deep desire to do so much more. For context, I left my government job in 2022 because we were transitioning back to face-to-face work, and the office was in Quezon City, while I was living in Laguna. At that time, there was no One Ayala yet, meaning the transport system was horrible, with queuing times of 3 to 5 hours just to get on a bus home, and I’m not even exaggerating. (Though commuting has become easier now.) Driving to QC wasn’t an option either, not only because tolls and gas were too expensive, but also because I couldn’t bear the notorious traffic. I would get home at 11 PM or midn...
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